Sex Chapel
|
| ||||
Northern Michigan Christian -- Sex Chapel
Today I want to talk about sex. It’s often an awkward subject to discuss and we've done a disservice to you by not discussing it. As Christian adults, we’ve let our culture take the lead in discussing the subject and that's not way should be. So I’d like to begin this Chapel with an apology. This is a subject which we stay away from and we should not, I'm sorry.
Our culture has a definite view of sex. All you need to do is stand in the checkout line at the grocery store.. Our culture says sex is just a biological process. It’s no big deal. It’s just like eating.
[go through PowerPoint]
But what is the Christian perspective on sex?
Often when speaking about sex we only discuss the bad things. The reasons why you should stay away from sex before you're married. However, we never talk about what changes once you become married. We never talk about the good reasons to wait until you're married. We never end up talking about the joy of sex. I want to do a little of both today. I want to talk about both the bad and the good.
There are several verses we could use for today’s topic, but I thought I’d use one that’s a little less-known than some of its New Testament counterparts.
[slide]
Proverbs 5:15-20
"Drinkwater from your own cistern, running water from your own well.
Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares?
Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers.
May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
A loving doe, a graceful deer May her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.
Why be captivated my son by an adulterous?
Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife?
The words here for rejoice and captivated in reference to the man's wife are associated with wine. The Hebrew reader would make the connection: satisfied, captivated, and intoxicated with his wife. In fact, 1st century Jewish Rabbis use to say the most holy thing a man could do on the Sabbath was to make love to his wife. The Scriptural view of sex is that within proper boundaries, it’s a beautiful gift from God. It is glorious, and beautiful, and holy ecstasy. And outside those boundaries, it can cause untold pain.
Often, when we think of boundaries in our culture, we think of rules imposed to limit our fun. A common saying is “rules were made to be broken”. But not all boundaries are like that.
Middle school basketball example
Have you ever played basketball game where there was no ref and no agreed upon rules? Did you ever play such a game in middle school? Freedom from proper boundaries is no freedom at all. You didn't spend your time playing basketball. You spent your time arguing.
Fireplace example
Sex within proper boundaries is like a fire in a fireplace. Inside the proper boundaries it warms the entire house. It gives a glow and joy to your life. Outside the fireplace it burns your house down.
I’ve seen too many lives destroyed by the misuse of sex. As I grow older (and I’ve not even lived half my life yet) sex becomes a bigger deal. It’s much more important than I thought it was when I was a teenager. And I thought it was a pretty big deal as an 18 year old boy.
Backyard illustration
Imagine for a moment there is a father with two children, a boy and a girl. This family lives on a busy street. There is a backyard with a sandbox and a swing set and a trampoline and a pool. When the father sends his children to play, they only play halfheartedly. Johnny sits on the swings and dangles his legs. Suzy sits in a sandbox and pushes some sand around back and forth. Mostly they are watching the children in the other backyards and the teenagers on the street.
When the father looks out his window he gets angry. He doesn't want them comparing themselves to the other children. He doesn't want them intimidated by the teenagers. So he builds a fence. A huge fence. Now when he sends Johnny and Suzy back outside to play, they tear around the backyard like they own the place. Susie figures out that she can take water from the pool into the sandbox and build massive sand castles. Johnny figures out that he can jump from a trampoline doing a double back flip into the pool. Proper boundaries do not hinder the children's playtime. Rather the fence brought freedom. The same thing happens within a sexual relationship. An anything goes mentality erodes trust and sexual freedom.
There have been several studies done over the last three decades which have surprised the broader culture. In those studies it was found that religious couples enjoy sex more than nonreligious couples. More than that, they have sex more often. This is no surprise. It is no surprise that such an intimate act happens more often and is more easily enjoyed in a safe trusting covenant relationship.
God designed the marriage bed to be a playground—a place of safety, exploration, and joy. Who cares if you break an ankle trying to jump from a trampoline to the pool? You have an entire lifetime to figure out things to do in the backyard. Married couples just get to try it again tomorrow.
At the beginning of the chapel we read from Proverbs 5. The verses directly preceding the ones we read say:
Proverbs 5:11 to 14
“At the end of your life you will groan, when your flesh and body are spent.
You will say, "How I hate discipline!
How My Heart Spurned Correction!
I would not obey my teachers Or listen to my instructors.
I have come to the brink of utter ruin in the midst of the whole assembly."
The writer is saying "you will either learn now in your youth about God's sexuality or you will live life then you will agree with it." Our society is currently walking down this road. As sexual freedom expands in our culture, the bondage and brokenness it brings keep pace.
[slide]
Of all the Sexually transmitted diseases: Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Mycoplasma Genitalium, Trichomoniasis, Crabs/Pubic Lice, Scabies, HIV/AIDS, Herpes/HSV, Hepatitis/HBV, Chancroid, Bacterial Vaginosis/BV, Molluscum Contagium, MRSA, Lymphogranuloma venereum (to name a few), HPV is probably the most prevalent.
HPV, the human papilloma virus, is contracted mostly through skin on skin. Although it can be contracted through fluid transfer. Usually it is contracted through oral sex. In studies done in the early 2000s, between 40 and 55% of all college aged women tested positive for HPV. The virus causes genital warts. It's incurable. And it is the cause of 90 to 95% of cervical cancer. Basically for women, it’s a sexually transmitted cancer.
Sexuality is integral, if not central, to who we are as humans. When expressed within God’s boundaries it is glorious and beautiful and holy ecstasy. It is also the cause of a great brokenness in our culture. Sex is much more than just a physical process. It's a spiritual act. We're giving of ourselves and taking something from them. That’s why Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6 that we’re supposed to flee from sexually immorality.
15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins people commit are outside their bodies, but those who sin sexually sin against their own bodies. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. –TNIV
The Corinthian church Paul is writing to is in an extremely sexualized culture. Earlier Paul mentions “food for the stomach and stomach for the food but God will destroy them both.” The people of the church in Corinth are saying "hey it's just a biological process it's no big deal". "Who cares what we do with our body?" And Paul’s response is a resounding no!
[slide]
Everything is spiritual. Sex is much more than just a physical process. It's a spiritual act. We're giving of ourselves and taking something from the other person. And because you are in Christ, whatever you unite with in the spirit you also unite to Christ.
Duct tape example
We are made to bond with each other. We are made to be sticky in relationships with each other. The same hormone that excreted during pregnancy which helps the mother bond with the baby is also secreted during sex. God made you to stick to people.
[slide]
Have you ever taken two pieces of duct tape and stuck them together? What happened? They almost bond to one another. It's extremely difficult to get them apart. The same thing happens during sex. Once you tear the two pieces of tape apart, they lose some of their stickiness. Sure they will stick again but not as well. Once you put them together and take them apart three or four times, they almost stop sticking completely.
The same thing is true of us. Why do you think it is in our culture that people who've been married more than once are more likely to get divorced?
Why do you think it is that teenage girls who are sexually active are three times as likely to be depressed and have attempted suicide as girls who were not? That doesn’t sound like sex bringing freedom and pleasure.
[slide]
Living outside of God’s boundaries is not freedom, it’s prison. It’s a place of darkness and pain. The writer from Proverbs would say ‘it is drinking from broken cisterns’. Those who do always thirst for more. And we're left broken.
I often hear the question from students "how far is too far?" Yet there is no answer to that question. The question itself has a skewed sense of sexuality. Proper sexuality is not about what you can get away with. It's not about how close you can step up to the line without crossing over. Maybe a better question is "how am I glorifying God in this relationship?" And I know that’s not the answer you want to hear. You want me to tell you that it’s okay to indulge your sex drive every once in awhile. But God didn’t give you a sex drive simply to give into it.
slide]
You’re supposed to train your sexuality. You have to learn how to manage your passions and your emotions. Once you get married the managing does not stop. In fact, it increases. How many affairs have you heard about this year? How many marriages have you heard about, and you’re only teenagers, that have been destroyed through improper use of sexuality? You probably know of at least several. Sex works the same as every other aspect of the spiritual life. God gives you a gift and you have to steward it.
I wish I had more time to talk to about the applications and the ramifications of this in everyday life. There's so much to discuss. Much of it uncomfortable. But almost all of it necessary. Things like heavy petting. Oral sex. Masturbation. Pornography. Sexting. Things we don't talk about in church but things we should talk about in church and in school. Because if we don't talk about it, it's not as though you don't hear about it. What you hear is the lie of our culture. They say if it feels good do it. It's just a biological process. They're just breasts. And God says "no". There is no ‘just’ in Christian life. Everything is spiritual.
And if you’ve walked down this path, know that there is way out. There is hope. In the midst of our brokenness God brings restoration and forgiveness. It’s what he’s good at—bringing life from death. He’s calling you back to himself. He’s calling you back to purity.
[Heavily influenced by the sermons I heard over and over again while a member of Madison Square CRC.]
Today I want to talk about sex. It’s often an awkward subject to discuss and we've done a disservice to you by not discussing it. As Christian adults, we’ve let our culture take the lead in discussing the subject and that's not way should be. So I’d like to begin this Chapel with an apology. This is a subject which we stay away from and we should not, I'm sorry.
Our culture has a definite view of sex. All you need to do is stand in the checkout line at the grocery store.. Our culture says sex is just a biological process. It’s no big deal. It’s just like eating.
[go through PowerPoint]
But what is the Christian perspective on sex?
Often when speaking about sex we only discuss the bad things. The reasons why you should stay away from sex before you're married. However, we never talk about what changes once you become married. We never talk about the good reasons to wait until you're married. We never end up talking about the joy of sex. I want to do a little of both today. I want to talk about both the bad and the good.
There are several verses we could use for today’s topic, but I thought I’d use one that’s a little less-known than some of its New Testament counterparts.
[slide]
Proverbs 5:15-20
"Drinkwater from your own cistern, running water from your own well.
Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares?
Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers.
May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
A loving doe, a graceful deer May her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.
Why be captivated my son by an adulterous?
Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife?
The words here for rejoice and captivated in reference to the man's wife are associated with wine. The Hebrew reader would make the connection: satisfied, captivated, and intoxicated with his wife. In fact, 1st century Jewish Rabbis use to say the most holy thing a man could do on the Sabbath was to make love to his wife. The Scriptural view of sex is that within proper boundaries, it’s a beautiful gift from God. It is glorious, and beautiful, and holy ecstasy. And outside those boundaries, it can cause untold pain.
Often, when we think of boundaries in our culture, we think of rules imposed to limit our fun. A common saying is “rules were made to be broken”. But not all boundaries are like that.
Middle school basketball example
Have you ever played basketball game where there was no ref and no agreed upon rules? Did you ever play such a game in middle school? Freedom from proper boundaries is no freedom at all. You didn't spend your time playing basketball. You spent your time arguing.
Fireplace example
Sex within proper boundaries is like a fire in a fireplace. Inside the proper boundaries it warms the entire house. It gives a glow and joy to your life. Outside the fireplace it burns your house down.
I’ve seen too many lives destroyed by the misuse of sex. As I grow older (and I’ve not even lived half my life yet) sex becomes a bigger deal. It’s much more important than I thought it was when I was a teenager. And I thought it was a pretty big deal as an 18 year old boy.
Backyard illustration
Imagine for a moment there is a father with two children, a boy and a girl. This family lives on a busy street. There is a backyard with a sandbox and a swing set and a trampoline and a pool. When the father sends his children to play, they only play halfheartedly. Johnny sits on the swings and dangles his legs. Suzy sits in a sandbox and pushes some sand around back and forth. Mostly they are watching the children in the other backyards and the teenagers on the street.
When the father looks out his window he gets angry. He doesn't want them comparing themselves to the other children. He doesn't want them intimidated by the teenagers. So he builds a fence. A huge fence. Now when he sends Johnny and Suzy back outside to play, they tear around the backyard like they own the place. Susie figures out that she can take water from the pool into the sandbox and build massive sand castles. Johnny figures out that he can jump from a trampoline doing a double back flip into the pool. Proper boundaries do not hinder the children's playtime. Rather the fence brought freedom. The same thing happens within a sexual relationship. An anything goes mentality erodes trust and sexual freedom.
There have been several studies done over the last three decades which have surprised the broader culture. In those studies it was found that religious couples enjoy sex more than nonreligious couples. More than that, they have sex more often. This is no surprise. It is no surprise that such an intimate act happens more often and is more easily enjoyed in a safe trusting covenant relationship.
God designed the marriage bed to be a playground—a place of safety, exploration, and joy. Who cares if you break an ankle trying to jump from a trampoline to the pool? You have an entire lifetime to figure out things to do in the backyard. Married couples just get to try it again tomorrow.
At the beginning of the chapel we read from Proverbs 5. The verses directly preceding the ones we read say:
Proverbs 5:11 to 14
“At the end of your life you will groan, when your flesh and body are spent.
You will say, "How I hate discipline!
How My Heart Spurned Correction!
I would not obey my teachers Or listen to my instructors.
I have come to the brink of utter ruin in the midst of the whole assembly."
The writer is saying "you will either learn now in your youth about God's sexuality or you will live life then you will agree with it." Our society is currently walking down this road. As sexual freedom expands in our culture, the bondage and brokenness it brings keep pace.
[slide]
Of all the Sexually transmitted diseases: Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Mycoplasma Genitalium, Trichomoniasis, Crabs/Pubic Lice, Scabies, HIV/AIDS, Herpes/HSV, Hepatitis/HBV, Chancroid, Bacterial Vaginosis/BV, Molluscum Contagium, MRSA, Lymphogranuloma venereum (to name a few), HPV is probably the most prevalent.
HPV, the human papilloma virus, is contracted mostly through skin on skin. Although it can be contracted through fluid transfer. Usually it is contracted through oral sex. In studies done in the early 2000s, between 40 and 55% of all college aged women tested positive for HPV. The virus causes genital warts. It's incurable. And it is the cause of 90 to 95% of cervical cancer. Basically for women, it’s a sexually transmitted cancer.
Sexuality is integral, if not central, to who we are as humans. When expressed within God’s boundaries it is glorious and beautiful and holy ecstasy. It is also the cause of a great brokenness in our culture. Sex is much more than just a physical process. It's a spiritual act. We're giving of ourselves and taking something from them. That’s why Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6 that we’re supposed to flee from sexually immorality.
15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.
18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins people commit are outside their bodies, but those who sin sexually sin against their own bodies. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. –TNIV
The Corinthian church Paul is writing to is in an extremely sexualized culture. Earlier Paul mentions “food for the stomach and stomach for the food but God will destroy them both.” The people of the church in Corinth are saying "hey it's just a biological process it's no big deal". "Who cares what we do with our body?" And Paul’s response is a resounding no!
[slide]
Everything is spiritual. Sex is much more than just a physical process. It's a spiritual act. We're giving of ourselves and taking something from the other person. And because you are in Christ, whatever you unite with in the spirit you also unite to Christ.
Duct tape example
We are made to bond with each other. We are made to be sticky in relationships with each other. The same hormone that excreted during pregnancy which helps the mother bond with the baby is also secreted during sex. God made you to stick to people.
[slide]
Have you ever taken two pieces of duct tape and stuck them together? What happened? They almost bond to one another. It's extremely difficult to get them apart. The same thing happens during sex. Once you tear the two pieces of tape apart, they lose some of their stickiness. Sure they will stick again but not as well. Once you put them together and take them apart three or four times, they almost stop sticking completely.
The same thing is true of us. Why do you think it is in our culture that people who've been married more than once are more likely to get divorced?
Why do you think it is that teenage girls who are sexually active are three times as likely to be depressed and have attempted suicide as girls who were not? That doesn’t sound like sex bringing freedom and pleasure.
[slide]
Living outside of God’s boundaries is not freedom, it’s prison. It’s a place of darkness and pain. The writer from Proverbs would say ‘it is drinking from broken cisterns’. Those who do always thirst for more. And we're left broken.
I often hear the question from students "how far is too far?" Yet there is no answer to that question. The question itself has a skewed sense of sexuality. Proper sexuality is not about what you can get away with. It's not about how close you can step up to the line without crossing over. Maybe a better question is "how am I glorifying God in this relationship?" And I know that’s not the answer you want to hear. You want me to tell you that it’s okay to indulge your sex drive every once in awhile. But God didn’t give you a sex drive simply to give into it.
slide]
You’re supposed to train your sexuality. You have to learn how to manage your passions and your emotions. Once you get married the managing does not stop. In fact, it increases. How many affairs have you heard about this year? How many marriages have you heard about, and you’re only teenagers, that have been destroyed through improper use of sexuality? You probably know of at least several. Sex works the same as every other aspect of the spiritual life. God gives you a gift and you have to steward it.
I wish I had more time to talk to about the applications and the ramifications of this in everyday life. There's so much to discuss. Much of it uncomfortable. But almost all of it necessary. Things like heavy petting. Oral sex. Masturbation. Pornography. Sexting. Things we don't talk about in church but things we should talk about in church and in school. Because if we don't talk about it, it's not as though you don't hear about it. What you hear is the lie of our culture. They say if it feels good do it. It's just a biological process. They're just breasts. And God says "no". There is no ‘just’ in Christian life. Everything is spiritual.
And if you’ve walked down this path, know that there is way out. There is hope. In the midst of our brokenness God brings restoration and forgiveness. It’s what he’s good at—bringing life from death. He’s calling you back to himself. He’s calling you back to purity.
[Heavily influenced by the sermons I heard over and over again while a member of Madison Square CRC.]
